Feedback–both positive and constructive–is vital to the growth of individuals. Yet, many leaders avoid giving it, or deliver it so poorly, it negates any benefits.
Positive feedback should be easy to give. Yet it often remains undelivered. For some, it’s unnatural to give compliments. It comes across as awkward or insincere. Others view it as risky. Recognizing positive contributions could obligate themselves to give additional benefits in return.
When you give negative feedback, you risk confrontation. The process may harm the relationship with the recipient. Therefore, you avoid it or water it down to soften the blow. The benefits of useful, constructive feedback are lost.
Solicit Feedback
In the Five Dysfunctions of a Team, Patrick Lencioni says vulnerability is the antidote to an absence of trust. Lencioni also emphasizes the importance of the leader going first. Asking for constructive feedback from your direct reports demonstrates vulnerability.
In an extended team meeting that included my boss, I asked one of my reports, “What is one thing I can do better to help the team?”
Awkward silence. I was nervous. He cautiously shared his thoughts. They were incredibly helpful. I responded, “Thank you for sharing. I want to invite you, should you see our team approaching that scenario, to pull me aside to discuss.”
It was a turning point for our team. Once they saw I was open to feedback, there were no barriers for me to give it. If you want your people to accept feedback, the best thing you can do as a leader is to solicit it for yourself.
Prepare in Advance
Prepare before you share your thoughts. Your goal is not to share feedback; it’s that through feedback, an individual’s behavior, thoughts or attitudes will be changed. Identify specific examples to raise, and predict potential push back. Being prepared increases the credibility of what you share.
Be Clear About Purpose
Feedback should fall into one of two buckets: help the team member grow and improve, or eliminate negative aspects harming the individual or team. (The vast majority of your feedback should be the former. If it’s not, here’s some feedback for you: you are hiring the wrong people!)
Don’t assume the recipient will know the intent of your feedback. You may plan it for growth, yet they can take it as a warning. You don’t need your best employees operating in fear. Similarly, be clear when the issue is detrimental and must change.
Be Specific About Behaviors
Telling an employee she doesn’t have a customer-first attitude, or doesn’t care about her teammates, isn’t useful. No one likes vague feedback and it can easily escalate into opinions and arguments.
Be specific about behaviors you have witnessed or are aware of and explain the effects they had on you or your team. Once someone understands the consequences of specific behavior, it becomes more likely for them to change.
Give Time to Process
Feedback can be hard to give. Once delivered you may want to quickly move on. Resist. The recipient likely needs some to consider and process. Just as you prepared to provide the feedback, they deserve the opportunity to consider their actions and ask clarifying questions. Forcing them to acknowledge, accept and agree with feedback at initial delivery does them a disservice and will lead to resentment. Offer them a time to have a follow-up discussion.
Skip the Sandwich
A well-known and recommended pattern for giving constructive feedback is the praise sandwich. You share something positive, give the negative input, and close with another compliment. The goal is to make the recipient feel good, deliver the painful sting, then smooth things over.
The feedback sandwich changes the original goal of delivering beneficial feedback. The new target is to make sure the giver and recipient are relationally OK. Yet the (often insincere) positive statements have the opposite effect. Instead of clarity, there’s confusion leading to frustration. For all but the least experienced, the praise sandwich is easily recognizable and comes across as condescending.
You Got This!
Solicit feedback from at least three people on your team. At your next team meeting, share the results, thank them, and explain how you are improving because of it.
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